dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
