The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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