I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
