Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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