"it" just moved
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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