winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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