thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
