i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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