We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize