I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
