I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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