i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
