Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
