Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
