Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
