I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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