it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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