i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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