I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
