Banned from zoo.
Again?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
