Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
