I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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