walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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