so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
