my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
