I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
