dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
