Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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