It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I enjoy the company of your penis
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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