Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
The air taste purple.
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