I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
