I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
