I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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