God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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