where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
