Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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