my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
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The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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