Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
