i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
This baby is an asshole
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
