i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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