I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week