I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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