You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
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You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
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I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person