I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.