update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
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glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
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at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."