She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!