Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
