JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
