I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
