The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
