1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
