You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Boobs are out for the taking
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
