I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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