This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.