Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
