Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
