you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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