This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
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I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
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You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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