at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
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