I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Can Purell be used as lube?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
