covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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