high people should be assigned attendants
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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