Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
