Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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