Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He has the fingertips of a God
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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