I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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