Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(916): View more from California

I hate ducks.

(916): View more from California

What?

(916): View more from California

they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple

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(609): View more from New Jersey

no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?

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(416): View more from Toronto

he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.

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(347): View more from New York

A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm

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(847): View more from Illinois

Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.

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(847): View more from Illinois

Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.

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(630): View more from Illinois

It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.

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