got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
