I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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