Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
