She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
