He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
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