Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Randomize
