dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
