bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
