she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
