I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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