sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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