hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
