if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
