I've blown a few things in my day
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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