Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
