You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
