Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
